How to be grateful
Learning how to be grateful is a really useful skill to develop, and here, I show you how to do it. Learning how to be thankful isn’t something that “should be done because other’s expect us to”. It’s simply a way of making life that much brighter. If you try to force the process out of a sense of duty, you’ll get nowhere near as far as you would if you approach it with a sense of joy and wonder.
It is my opinion that there are two types of emotions. There are those that all animals experience – fear, anger, desire, etc, and those that only humans experience – valour, altruism and gratitude. It was Cicero who said “Gratitude is the not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others”.
I’ve been keeping this blog for over a year, and can testify to Cicero’s comment. Being grateful really does expand one’s mind to one’s fellow man. I am much more aware now, of how gratitude can help people, and devote a portion of my time and money to giving something back to those who are less fortunate than myself. I don’t do it because I feel I ought to – I do it because it makes me feel good! Feeling thankful has been a life changing experience for me.
So, how can you learn how to be grateful & get this wonderful feeling in your own life? It’s easy.
- Choose what to focus on. If you spend time learning how to play the fiddle, you’ll get better at it. If you train to run a marathon, you’ll get better at it. If you teach yourself to do Sudoku puzzles, you’ll get better at them. It’s the same with gratitude. Every day, look around and open your eyes to the things around you that you can be grateful for. Since you’re reading this, I’m going to assume you have an internet connection. Since you have that internet connection, I’m going to assume you have a house, and a job to pay for that connection with. That’s 3 things right there that you could be grateful for (perhaps you already are grateful for them, which is great). Since I’ve been practising this as long as I have, I can think of other, more subtle things that you could be grateful for. The fact you can read. The fact that you have eyes to see with. The fact that your brain is comprehending the words you’re reading. Some of those things might have occurred to you already, and that’s great! You’re already on the way. Fine tune your focus to see the good things in life.
- Imagine you’re driving down a road, on a hot summer’s day, when the smell of rotting garbage assails your nostrils. You look out of the passenger window of your car, and see piles and piles of garbage. Huge mounds of rubbish, buzzing with flies. Rats crawling all over it. Rotting food, with seagulls picking at it. Maggots wriggling about. And the all pervading stench of filth. It’s making you want to vomit. Then, you turn and look out of the driver’s window. You see a lovely green verge, covered with wild flowers. Trees are blossoming. Birds are sitting in the trees, singing beautiful songs. There’s that smell of freshly mown grass on the air, and the sun is shining. Rabbits are scampering about in the grass, and butterflies are flitting about. Pretty flowers are turning their colourful faces towards the sun, and bees are buzzing about, going from flower to flower. You feel peaceful and relaxed. This is what life is like. There is sufficient evidence, every second, to prove that life is a pile of garbage or a bed of roses. Yes, there might be negative things happening in your life. But you don’t have to make your life all about them. It all depends on your attitude.
- Constantly look for new things to be grateful for. Every day, I’m grateful for coffee and a hot shower. Which is fine. I feel grateful for those things every day, so I list them every day. However, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut, so I’m constantly looking for more things to be grateful for, every day. This gives me more chances to feel good, and who doesn’t want that? It also keeps things fresh.
- Get used to the feeling of gratitude. Take something, right now, that you actually feel grateful for, and feel grateful for it. Get used to that feeling of warmth and happiness. Feels great, doesn’t it? Exercise your “gratitude muscle” by feeling grateful as often as possible. Like any muscle, the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. What’s more, this kind of exercise actually feels good. You don’t get sweaty and tired. You get happy and satisfied. It becomes it’s own reward. I found that the more grateful I felt, the more grateful I wanted to feel.
- Things could always be worse. If you stub your big toe, be grateful that you didn’t stub two toes. And if you did stub two toes, be grateful that you didn’t break them. And if you did break them, be thankful that your body will heal them. Yes, negative things do happen. Be aware of them, but don’t focus on them. Don’t ignore them either. Focusing on them can turn a stubbed toe into a broken leg. Ignoring them can turn a broken toe into a badly set toe. Neither of those things are good. Being aware of those things enables you to take steps to correct them, which can teach you a new skill set – something else to be grateful for.
- Try to realise how much you already have. This is one of the main tenets of being grateful. The new coffee machine is going to be just another trinket in a life full of them if you aren’t grateful for it. The shiny new car will quickly become an annoyance when it breaks down. It’s easy to forget how many cups of coffee you’ve enjoyed, or how many successful journeys you’ve made in the car, when faced with something going wrong. Being grateful can act as a buffer, and help you realise that things aren’t really that bad. After all, who wants to feel bad? Also, try to realise that you’re way better off than a large percentage of the world’s population. Next time you have to wait a few extra seconds in the queue at Starbucks, getting frustrated, remember those people who have to walk 4 miles every single day just to get a drink of water. And not even clean water. Water that could quite possibly harm them and kill their children. Suddenly, those few extra seconds waiting in line don’t seem so bad, do they?
- Another important facet of gratitude is expressing it. Say thank you to people. Send thank you emails, or letters. I often send an email when I order stuff off ebay or Amazon, thanking the seller for getting the product to me. People love being thanked. It makes them feel good, and it makes you feel good to have brightened someone’s day. Basically, fake it til you make it. Saying “thank you” is one of the simplest ways to cultivate gratitude.
- Watch this video.
- Google “first world problem”. A first world problem is something like the batteries in the remote control for your television running out, so you actually have to get out of the chair and change the channel manually. It’s such an insignificant thing compared to the struggle for daily life that some people have, but it’s easy to get caught up in little details like that, instead of being grateful that you have a television in the first place.
- One of my favourite author’s, Peter McWilliams, wrote a book called Wealth 101, which discusses “getting what you want, and enjoying what you’ve got”. It’s the book that inspired me to start this blog. You can find it on Amazon, for as little as $0.01. It’s well worth a read.
I hope you found this guide useful. If you want to be emailed when it is updated, please leave me a comment below, with your email address in the correct field. If you have any questions, comments or feedback, let me know below.
Solomon,
This is a really great post. I think about stuff like this and try exercise my “gratitude muscle” whenever I remember. I don’t always remember, but I’ve been getting a constant reminder every day for a few days. That is, being subscribed to your blog via RSS. It reminds me to take some time out and be grateful every day.
I’ve read Wealth 101 and a lot of other books that recommend keeping a journal of things to be grateful for. I can’t say that I have really done it but reading these things has made me more aware and more grateful in general.
I am grateful for your gratitude journal and for being able to read it every day. Thanks so much for being an inspiration!
Zopito DiGiovannis last blog post…What is “Stress”? Where does it come from?
May 11th, 2008 at 4:30 AM QuoteWords cannot express how this blog has touched me. Thank you, thank you.
May 25th, 2008 at 6:38 PM QuoteMy apologies for the lateness of the reply. I think your comment must have arrived when I was taken up with the transfer. It’s really beneficial to write your list every day, because it keeps it fresh in your mind. I’m glad you like the blog.
You’re very welcome. Thank you for reading and commenting.
May 25th, 2008 at 8:32 PM QuoteYou are an inspiration to many people,i wish more people will start to appreciate the wonderful things around us.”change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change”.
tynas last blog post…What do you think of this?
June 3rd, 2008 at 2:47 AM QuoteEspecially when there are so many of them.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:04 AM QuoteSuch a wonderful post Solomon. I really enjoyed reading this and your perspectives behind your posts and this blog
I had never heard of that Cicero quote before, but I love it and couldn’t agree more.
Sandy (Momisodes)s last blog post…A Jill of No Shades
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:14 PM QuoteThank you.
Part of being grateful is sharing what you have.
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:44 PM QuoteThankyou, this is just what I needed to read. I am already feeling better and I will follow your advice.
June 6th, 2008 at 3:18 AM QuoteThat’s great! I hope it works out well for you.
June 6th, 2008 at 9:30 AM QuoteI am always of 2 minds about this sort of thing. On the one hand it is so “Pollyanna” and on the other it is just what one needs to put one’s life in perspective. One cannot allow this feeling to blind one to the necessity of dealing with/fixing the bad things in life but one also cannot let the bad things in life rob one of the enjoyment of the good things. In one’s gratitude for the good in life, one should also be mindful of what one can do to make someone else’s life a little better – skip that Starbucks and donate the money to an organization that helps provide clean water to those who don’t have it – something along those lines gives gratitude a more substantial feeling.
BTW – Thank You…
Broadway Matrons last blog post…Reading Blogs
June 9th, 2008 at 12:36 PM QuoteI think you’re confusing gratitude and positive thinking.
June 9th, 2008 at 6:23 PM QuoteAwesome post Solomon. Really.
Kelleys last blog post…So what is His url?
June 12th, 2008 at 11:06 AM QuoteThank you.
June 12th, 2008 at 9:11 PM QuoteGreat post friend.
When your muscles of gratitude are in shape, it reflects in your attitude. Far lesser anger, far reduced harshness, combined with an open mind that accepts whatever that comes into our life for we know that all will be good.
Again, great insights.
June 19th, 2008 at 2:50 AM QuoteThis is great advise and would literally change the world if we all stopped daily to be grateful for what we have. I’m glad I found your blog!
Fat Girls last blog post…Welcome to my blog – its your blog too!
June 21st, 2008 at 7:07 PM QuoteLife certainly does seem better when I go all out to be grateful.
You know, you’re absolutely right. The world would be a better place if we all realised how much we had.
June 21st, 2008 at 11:40 PM QuoteIts so easy to be distracted by our busy lives and issues. This is a nice reminder to pause, reflect and realize how much we do have.
Leas last blog post…Only Time
June 22nd, 2008 at 9:01 PM QuoteThank you.
June 22nd, 2008 at 9:13 PM QuoteExcellent blog re: things to be grateful for. As a cancer survivor (almost 3 years – WooHoo!!) I easily find simple things every moment of the day to be so very thankful for. Going thru a crisis can make you so much more aware of the good in life that you maybe didn’t take the time to notice before! Good luck with your blog.
June 29th, 2008 at 5:07 PM QuoteI agree. We need to take the time out to not only think about being grateful but actually “feel it”. Take time out to enjoy what we are being grateful about. I know when I do it changes my attitude immediately for the better. Keeping a gratitude journal helps too. Thanks for the great post.
Erica
Home Business Successs last blog post…Affiliate Marketing Expo for Moms
July 6th, 2008 at 3:29 PM QuoteHey Solomon,
I am quite impressed with all your thoughful thinking. It all looks and reads so good!
You are really doing a great job. Keep it up.
Gafarmwoman Pams last blog post…Quick and Easy Fresh Summer Vegetable Recipe
July 8th, 2008 at 6:59 PM Quote[...] Solomon Says: July 11th, 2008 at 4:07 am [...]
July 11th, 2008 at 6:03 PM QuoteYES! Having a grateful attitude makes a huge difference in the quality of our lives.
kpasas last blog post…Prepare for Future Disease by Harvesting Stem Cells
July 11th, 2008 at 6:30 PM QuoteIt is true, the more you practice something the better you get at it. Same thing with qualities, they just don’t happen, you have to work at having and keeping them…it’s not automatic.
Yes, always look around and remember how grateful we are to have things, when many people do not. It’s easy to take for granted, which is why I give thanks everyday. All of what I have can be gone in an instant.
Naturals last blog post…Paper or Plastic?
July 20th, 2008 at 10:57 PM Quotethank u
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:12 AM QuoteI really love your site and all the things you mention about gratitude and being grateful every day. I do something similar with my Happy Books. I have 5 of them now…almost on the 6th. But I drag them around every where I go…and hhave other people write in them as well. To date, with the 5 books I have 21,814 entries of happy stuff….seven years running now.
One of the best things about doing this happy book , gratitude lists thing… is that so many other people have started one too now. I have an online version too…but it has gone on unnoticed even by self for many months. Im just to new at using the computer like this to keep it up. But your site is awesome…. I like it very much….and like to read all the stuff you post. Don’t ever stop. And spread the word to others to always be grateful for eerything they have….and sometimes, even the things they don’t have.
Dawnas last blog post…I Have A Dream (ABBA) – from "The Late, Late Breakfast Show"
July 31st, 2008 at 12:45 AM Quotei’m going to focus on no. 3 more …although i say my prayers everyday..most times over food
i know how blessed i am just to have the little that i do have when so many people don’t.
thanks for the reminders. we all need them.
Naturals last blog post…Doggone, Grandma
August 26th, 2008 at 11:51 PM QuoteFound you through cardio girl. Thought I would say hi.
August 28th, 2008 at 4:39 AM QuoteThe Garbage/Bed of Roses analogy was one of the best I have heard in a very long time. Your blog is very well written and very thought provoking. I agree with comment #2: THANK YOU.
It is nice to stop by and visit your page and remember to be grateful on a daily basis. So, thank you.
Andys last blog post…Goal #35 – Mission Accomplished
August 30th, 2008 at 3:47 AM QuoteJust what I needed today. Thankyou
September 15th, 2008 at 5:15 PM QuoteHai Solomon. I really like your site hear. I’ve only skimmed it – because I’m a bit short on time right now. But I will most definitely come back for a more in depth reading. What a good idea.
September 28th, 2008 at 12:39 AM Quotethank you Solomon
September 28th, 2008 at 10:16 PM QuoteWhat a wonderful idea to send thank you cards to your amazon sellers. I used to sell on ebay and probably sold over 1,000 items and would always include a thank you note and send a thank you email. I only received one reply from a lady that enjoyed the item I sold. It made my day and made me feel great. I thought the hand written note would receive more responses, but it didn’t. Obviously I didn’t have a nice buyer like you
October 1st, 2008 at 8:46 PM QuoteGreat post – need to practice this now.
October 12th, 2008 at 11:24 PM Quote[...] you want to learn? We all need to be a little more grateful for what we’ve given – our lives, our [...]
October 26th, 2008 at 10:47 AM QuoteThanks for this great post, now i i’m understand the concept on how to be grateful, although i am an avid lovers
Now, i can be grateful everyday!
October 27th, 2008 at 1:25 AM QuoteWhile reading your post, my heart was warmed and the nasty weather suddenly blossomed out. Thank you for the miracle. You depicted the way to the happiness that never withers but blossoms out without ceasing if we just step on a path of the gratitude and thus recognize ourselves in other.
October 27th, 2008 at 8:58 AM QuoteWhile reading your article, I have sensed we are the fellows. My blog Modus Vivendi talks about the people with psychiatric disorders, but the readers see not the darkness, but the bright art therapy pictures here… Beauty and Gratitude are like the synonyms, and they are just the inseparable from each other.
It would be fine if we too would follow the example of Light and will join our blogs. Your words motivate/help us to locate ourselves in current mess, as our pictures decorate the way out of the hopeless worry for self into the everlasting joy of Gratitude. We just don’t exist in separation!
THANK YOU!
Your article was like a sip of fresh air to me. Thanks once again. I hope it will bring the same results to my friends too, when I will translate your article into my native language.
Your blog have made my day – you have comforted and awaked me once again. Thank you for the help (for my wish) not to give up but move further on – to live hear and now.
Good words.
October 27th, 2008 at 4:59 PM QuoteThank you Solomon for your blog.
October 27th, 2008 at 6:18 PM QuoteIts easy to get down for no reason but when i read your blog it made me realise just how lucky i am and its good to be woken from this self pity one can get into.
I’m grateful that Andy at Commentluv sent me an email with your site featured. Daily gratitude is my new habit.
October 28th, 2008 at 10:34 PM QuoteSolomon, I’m glad to know there are still people in this world with your mindset and positive outlook on life. Although, I’m not the most happy-go-lucky person in the world I am one that when I see someone, for instance, with a disability I think how lucky I am. It’s easy to take what we have for granted, but your article here definitely reminds us that positivity and thankfulness are things we all need to practice at.
-TK
October 29th, 2008 at 12:05 AM QuoteGood for people to know.
November 7th, 2008 at 10:56 AM QuoteThis is the coolest website I have found in a long while. I am at a crossroads in my life and I was searching for something inspirational and here you are. I am creating my own lists as we speak! Thank you! This is a very lonely time and I am trying to be peaceful being alone! This is a great start!
JL
November 12th, 2008 at 4:21 AM QuoteThere are a lot of things that we should be grateful and I believe that you are maintaining an almost daily list of this things. Really great for sharing this to people, at least they will understand that life is beautiful and as you said depends on the mind setting and how they look at it.
February 2nd, 2009 at 4:22 PM QuoteThank you for the article
February 3rd, 2009 at 5:08 PM QuoteI am also at a crossroads on my life and faced a future of loneliness and misery, but this has changed my outlook on life to a much brighter future.
Thank you again…
I’m always more aware of all the things I have to be thankful for when there are such terrible things happening to people in other countries. It is impossible not to feel grateful when you see people with such suffering on their faces on the news each night.
January 21st, 2010 at 12:34 PM Quote